Sopranos weekly f-bomb counter ... They kiss their mothers with those mouths?
If you don't know, now you know...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Link of the Fu@&in' Day
Sopranos weekly f-bomb counter ... They kiss their mothers with those mouths?
If you don't know, now you know...
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Dateline: Outrageous phone bills
Wonder if this guy forgot that text messages aren't included in the base plan? And how many times do you get caned for 218 trillion dollars worth of theft of service if you get 4 lashes for egging cars?
Phil Ivey is my hero.
Phil Ivey is my hero.
If you don't know, now you know...
Monday, April 10, 2006
Dateline: A Cave Somewhere
Osama blooper reel leaked to Al Jazeera.
If you don't know, now you know...
If you don't know, now you know...
Saturday, April 08, 2006
The greatest song ever recorded
Sha La La (Make Me Happy)
Not sure when this next week's Sopranos entry will be posted. Nathan and I are working on a Sopranos/cigars/music/poker/movies/golf etc. podcast, so it may be later in the week or I may just post a link to the mp3. In the mean time, put the above song on repeat and resist getting your boogie on. I dare you.
Order the CD from Amazon or iTunes.
If you don't know, now you know.
Not sure when this next week's Sopranos entry will be posted. Nathan and I are working on a Sopranos/cigars/music/poker/movies/golf etc. podcast, so it may be later in the week or I may just post a link to the mp3. In the mean time, put the above song on repeat and resist getting your boogie on. I dare you.
Order the CD from Amazon or iTunes.
If you don't know, now you know.
Do YOU know what YOUR EBITDA is?
EPISODE 4: The Fleshy Part of the Thigh
OK, Cagney, Jr., is officially off the reservation. Extorting the Clown Prince of Garbage without Tony's blessing? Plus the fact that Tony may or may not remember in the future whose voice was on the other side of Finnerty's hotel room wall. Plus Cagney's internal turmoil over his aunt/mother's hoo-ah status, and the advantage his mother/aunt took of how great a son he is. Some pretty dark days lie ahead for Cags... which is disappointing. If he gets whacked, all we'll be left with for comic relief is Sil's Michael Corleone bit, which is only slightly more Al than the knockoff they put in the Godfather video game when Al didn't participate in the voice acting. So I guess we should be thankful for Cagney's explanation to Barone-ito of "Earnings Before Interest, Taxes, Depreciation and Amortization," because, Mother of Mercy!... it may be the end of Little Rico. I'm steeling myself to this evntuality in advance, in case I've got company when he gets called to that big sit-down in the sky.
If anyone needs to get whacked, it's Janice's narcoleptic ex. Not real happy about his return. In fact, actively unhappy. If he absolutely had to come back, the least they could do for us is let him fall asleep standing up and concuss himself on the hospital floor. That would kick ass.
On another WTF note... Sil just shows up in Tony's waiting room again with his inhaler? If that's the end of it, then his cracking under the pressure of being Boss story line was a serious McGuffin. Chase and Co. missed (or purposefully opted out of) a chance to more clearly underscore the difficulty of Tony's daily life as compared to that of his co-mafiosi by drawing out Silvio's failure over another episode or two by having Tony or other Family members comment on it. Or having New York decide to attack based on the weakened state of both Tony and Sil. It may have repercussions yet, but if not, it's a big miss. Silvio going down under the pressure of a disagreement between Bacala and Vito? In terms of middle-management power bases within the Family, those 2 are non-issues Tony could have dispatched from his comatose state. Could be that Chase meant to use that scenario to illustrate family pressure on work performance. Sil's wife was pushing him pretty hard to ascend to the throne, which he eschewed immediately. Possibly the biggest source of my surprise regarding the whole situation is that, to this point in the show, Sil has been a rock. He has delivered plenty of unpleasant rulings on Tony's behalf, most recently (and with dire consequence) the decision to deny Eugene's retirement request, advised on important decisions in times of both war and peace and has killed repeatedly: Chucky Signore, Uncle Jun's right hand man before Mikey "It's not Bra-ooon" Palmice, Jimmy Altieri, the rat-capo who flipped after the same arrest where Puss was flipped, then Puss himself and last, but not least, Adrianna.
Congratulations are due Baccala, I guess, for getting the Family into the PR consulting business in helping promote the career of an upcoming rapper by capitalizing on current popularity trends in the entertainment business. Apparently Treach is down to get rich or die tryin'.
Finally, this week, for all the questions it raised in my mind, illuminated the impending war between New Jersey and New York. Tony's diminished mental capacity, which we were prepared for by the doctor who played Rachel's dad on Friends, led to some very un-Tony-like behavior in this episode. Old Tony, even from the first episode of this season before he was Malanga'd, would never have let Pastor Bob come into a room with him and Chris and Hesh to discuss spiritual matters. And Old Tony definitely NEVER would have said, "There's enough garbage for everybody," to anyone outside his own family. Barone Sanitation has been a New Jersey staple since the first season and it has never even been hinted that New York had a piece, that I can remember, until this week. Not to mention the fact that he came out and told the nurse that his mind had been "running away with him" since he awoke. The previews for this coming Sunday show Phil and Johnny Sack talking about Tony's weakened state, and Phil says, at one point, that Johnny has mandated that someone (who we may fairly assume is Tony) has got to go. Looks like things are about to get very interesting. A good opportunity for Chrissy to implement his "DEFCON-4-bazookas-under-each-arm-Say-Hello-
to-my-Little-Friend" approach? He needs something to occupy his time with no Ade or smack in his life these days. An opportunity to see Carmela assume the Connie Corleone role? She was rather forward with her counsel to Tony on the untrustworthy nature of Cagney and Vito.
Sunday can't get here fast enough.
If you don't know... now you know.
If anyone needs to get whacked, it's Janice's narcoleptic ex. Not real happy about his return. In fact, actively unhappy. If he absolutely had to come back, the least they could do for us is let him fall asleep standing up and concuss himself on the hospital floor. That would kick ass.
On another WTF note... Sil just shows up in Tony's waiting room again with his inhaler? If that's the end of it, then his cracking under the pressure of being Boss story line was a serious McGuffin. Chase and Co. missed (or purposefully opted out of) a chance to more clearly underscore the difficulty of Tony's daily life as compared to that of his co-mafiosi by drawing out Silvio's failure over another episode or two by having Tony or other Family members comment on it. Or having New York decide to attack based on the weakened state of both Tony and Sil. It may have repercussions yet, but if not, it's a big miss. Silvio going down under the pressure of a disagreement between Bacala and Vito? In terms of middle-management power bases within the Family, those 2 are non-issues Tony could have dispatched from his comatose state. Could be that Chase meant to use that scenario to illustrate family pressure on work performance. Sil's wife was pushing him pretty hard to ascend to the throne, which he eschewed immediately. Possibly the biggest source of my surprise regarding the whole situation is that, to this point in the show, Sil has been a rock. He has delivered plenty of unpleasant rulings on Tony's behalf, most recently (and with dire consequence) the decision to deny Eugene's retirement request, advised on important decisions in times of both war and peace and has killed repeatedly: Chucky Signore, Uncle Jun's right hand man before Mikey "It's not Bra-ooon" Palmice, Jimmy Altieri, the rat-capo who flipped after the same arrest where Puss was flipped, then Puss himself and last, but not least, Adrianna.
Congratulations are due Baccala, I guess, for getting the Family into the PR consulting business in helping promote the career of an upcoming rapper by capitalizing on current popularity trends in the entertainment business. Apparently Treach is down to get rich or die tryin'.
Finally, this week, for all the questions it raised in my mind, illuminated the impending war between New Jersey and New York. Tony's diminished mental capacity, which we were prepared for by the doctor who played Rachel's dad on Friends, led to some very un-Tony-like behavior in this episode. Old Tony, even from the first episode of this season before he was Malanga'd, would never have let Pastor Bob come into a room with him and Chris and Hesh to discuss spiritual matters. And Old Tony definitely NEVER would have said, "There's enough garbage for everybody," to anyone outside his own family. Barone Sanitation has been a New Jersey staple since the first season and it has never even been hinted that New York had a piece, that I can remember, until this week. Not to mention the fact that he came out and told the nurse that his mind had been "running away with him" since he awoke. The previews for this coming Sunday show Phil and Johnny Sack talking about Tony's weakened state, and Phil says, at one point, that Johnny has mandated that someone (who we may fairly assume is Tony) has got to go. Looks like things are about to get very interesting. A good opportunity for Chrissy to implement his "DEFCON-4-bazookas-under-each-arm-Say-Hello-
to-my-Little-Friend" approach? He needs something to occupy his time with no Ade or smack in his life these days. An opportunity to see Carmela assume the Connie Corleone role? She was rather forward with her counsel to Tony on the untrustworthy nature of Cagney and Vito.
Sunday can't get here fast enough.
If you don't know... now you know.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Did I leave my conductor's hat over here?
Episode 3: Mayham
We are introduced, at the beginning of this episode, to Cagney Jr.'s 59th Cadillac of the series. No shit. He has had a Seville (with a Godfather horn, no less), multiple Devilles with various ragtops depending on mood at time of "purchase," an El Dorado, probably a Catera (I'm sure he tells everybody it's his ma's) and now a CTS. This son of a bitch goes through Cadillacs like The Matrix Reloaded.
As for the episode itself, it hit the Sopranos trifecta. Started with a score, the likes of which we haven't seen since Cagney, Jr., separated Juan Valdez from his donkey in Season One. Come to think of it, we haven't seen any of the name players get his hands dirty over a score like this, with the possible exception of Chrissy, since that episode. You remember it, right? Paulie and Pussy dressed up like Mario and Luigi and pretended to deliver a refigerator to the Colombian's apartment and delivered a message instead.
The next crucial element of this successful Sopranos episode was scatological humor. Star Ledger? 50 cents. Cup of hospital coffee? 1 dollar. Sil, the acting "king," making rulings from the "throne?" Priceless. We haven't seen bathroom situational humor like that since GiGi died in the can trying to pass a turkey after Thanksgiving a few seasons ago, which I'm still kinda pissed about, no pun intended. I liked GiGi. He really looked the part without being as stereotypically cartoonish as Bacala or the squarehead who played Albert Barese. Yeah, I know my man-crush on Cagney, Jr., is inconsistent with that last statement, but he's a good actor and some of that goombah stuff is necessary for realism. Plus he gets all the good lines and he got to bang Turkleton's wife from Scrubs.
Finally, the third element of the Sopranos trifecta is a well executed (i.e., non-laborious) dream sequence. I'm not as anti-dream as a lot of people I know, but the ol' patience was starting to wear a little thin with (kev)IN FINNE(r)TY. Yeah, I typed it like that on purpose. If you give accent to the capital letters (or just pronounce his name like a New Jersey Italian), the word INFINITY definitely jumps out at you. However, two of the dream sequences in this episode were flawless. First, paralleling Tony's Cagney-Jr.-induced blood pressure spike with Infinnety banging on the wall in his room at Cagney, Jr.'s, muffled voice was pure genius. Cagney, Jr., has always been the lovable, punch-lining, painfully blunt, OCD homicidal maniac we can't help but love, but remember Tony's bitching to Melfi about the Christmas newsletter he puts out every year with updates on his nieces and nephews? That was immediately following another Tony dream where he shot Paulie as they were playing cards in a warehouse. If Tony comes out of this coma with any sort of clear memory of whose voice he heard on the other side of that hotel room wall, it could spell oogats for Paulie.
And then there's the masterfully done scene at the Infinnety Family Reunion. Tony B. as the gate-keeper, the threat of Livia in the doorway and Maedo's voice in the trees calling Tony home. Almost enough to make the Captain mist up at the thought of Tony actually letting go of the briefcase and following Livia into the "reunion." The conflicted why-don't-you-love-me-because-I-love-you-even-though-
you-tried-to-have-me-whacked look that Gandolfini patented while Livia was still alive came out of retirement. I'm telling you, if the big one hit and all I could take into a bunker with me was my TV/DVD combo and my Sopranos DVDs, I wouldn't miss a single thing from the outside world. Well, maybe stuffed crust pizza, but I could get over that before I could get over not seeing Tony, Carm and Christafuh "I Though You Said 'I Was Alright, Spider'" Moltisanti ever again.
As for the episode itself, it hit the Sopranos trifecta. Started with a score, the likes of which we haven't seen since Cagney, Jr., separated Juan Valdez from his donkey in Season One. Come to think of it, we haven't seen any of the name players get his hands dirty over a score like this, with the possible exception of Chrissy, since that episode. You remember it, right? Paulie and Pussy dressed up like Mario and Luigi and pretended to deliver a refigerator to the Colombian's apartment and delivered a message instead.
The next crucial element of this successful Sopranos episode was scatological humor. Star Ledger? 50 cents. Cup of hospital coffee? 1 dollar. Sil, the acting "king," making rulings from the "throne?" Priceless. We haven't seen bathroom situational humor like that since GiGi died in the can trying to pass a turkey after Thanksgiving a few seasons ago, which I'm still kinda pissed about, no pun intended. I liked GiGi. He really looked the part without being as stereotypically cartoonish as Bacala or the squarehead who played Albert Barese. Yeah, I know my man-crush on Cagney, Jr., is inconsistent with that last statement, but he's a good actor and some of that goombah stuff is necessary for realism. Plus he gets all the good lines and he got to bang Turkleton's wife from Scrubs.
Finally, the third element of the Sopranos trifecta is a well executed (i.e., non-laborious) dream sequence. I'm not as anti-dream as a lot of people I know, but the ol' patience was starting to wear a little thin with (kev)IN FINNE(r)TY. Yeah, I typed it like that on purpose. If you give accent to the capital letters (or just pronounce his name like a New Jersey Italian), the word INFINITY definitely jumps out at you. However, two of the dream sequences in this episode were flawless. First, paralleling Tony's Cagney-Jr.-induced blood pressure spike with Infinnety banging on the wall in his room at Cagney, Jr.'s, muffled voice was pure genius. Cagney, Jr., has always been the lovable, punch-lining, painfully blunt, OCD homicidal maniac we can't help but love, but remember Tony's bitching to Melfi about the Christmas newsletter he puts out every year with updates on his nieces and nephews? That was immediately following another Tony dream where he shot Paulie as they were playing cards in a warehouse. If Tony comes out of this coma with any sort of clear memory of whose voice he heard on the other side of that hotel room wall, it could spell oogats for Paulie.
And then there's the masterfully done scene at the Infinnety Family Reunion. Tony B. as the gate-keeper, the threat of Livia in the doorway and Maedo's voice in the trees calling Tony home. Almost enough to make the Captain mist up at the thought of Tony actually letting go of the briefcase and following Livia into the "reunion." The conflicted why-don't-you-love-me-because-I-love-you-even-though-
you-tried-to-have-me-whacked look that Gandolfini patented while Livia was still alive came out of retirement. I'm telling you, if the big one hit and all I could take into a bunker with me was my TV/DVD combo and my Sopranos DVDs, I wouldn't miss a single thing from the outside world. Well, maybe stuffed crust pizza, but I could get over that before I could get over not seeing Tony, Carm and Christafuh "I Though You Said 'I Was Alright, Spider'" Moltisanti ever again.
One final note... I think this episode handled very realistically people's short-lived sympathy and tendency to begin to look past someone once they are out of commission for just a few days. Vito, with his machinations on the top spot. Cagney, Jr., taking Carmela's name in vain. Chrissy telling Tony he is owed another shot at the movie biz. It not only illustrated the normal person's tendency to focus on themselves even in the midst of someone else's crisis but also underscored the truly greedy and selfish nature of these guys we see in a romantic light week in and week out.
Looks like Tony comes out of his state with a vengeance next week, though... Can't wait.
If you don't know, now you know...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I want to marry Edie Falco
The picture above says it all. Edie Falco continues to show her limitless range as the embattled mob wife, going from the terrified breakdown shown above to narrating most of her courtship with Tony while alone in the hospital room to her smirking disbelief at the Detective's intimation that Tony, because he's in the rackets, was somehow involved in the Kennedy assasination. So, yeah, I'm in love.
Michael Imperioli is the third best actor on the series (after Falco and Gandolfini), which is an endorsement of the ridiculously stacked nature of the cast overall. Chase has been relentlessly flinging shit at Imperioli's character for six seasons now (getting shot, addiction to drugs, his later rehab and recovery, Tony serving up the man who killed his father, winter hikes in the Pine Barrens, his "breakup" with Adrianna, and now the uncertainty surrounding Tony, his surrogate father). Last time he threw him a bone was in Season One when he let him shoot bakery-boy in the foot. 'Bout time for another one.
The Star Ledger has a wealth of articles on the new episodes... here's one by Alan Sepinwall that does more justice to all the symbolism in this episode than I have time for tonight.
FAVORITE LINES:
Best Cagney, Jr., line of the season so far? "Van Helsing, let's go!" (if you missed this episode or missed this line, three guesses who he's talking to, and the first two don't count)
Best non-Cagney line of the season so far? "My husband was three years old!" (Carm telling the Detective to eat the peanuts when he mentions Uncle Jun was babbling about the Kennedy assasination while being brought in for shooting Tony)
Best line of dialogue I said out loud at the TV so far this season? "So you're saying your husband was NOT involved, ma'am?" (What the Detective was probably thinking in response to Carm's above quote)
If you don't know, now you know...
Michael Imperioli is the third best actor on the series (after Falco and Gandolfini), which is an endorsement of the ridiculously stacked nature of the cast overall. Chase has been relentlessly flinging shit at Imperioli's character for six seasons now (getting shot, addiction to drugs, his later rehab and recovery, Tony serving up the man who killed his father, winter hikes in the Pine Barrens, his "breakup" with Adrianna, and now the uncertainty surrounding Tony, his surrogate father). Last time he threw him a bone was in Season One when he let him shoot bakery-boy in the foot. 'Bout time for another one.
The Star Ledger has a wealth of articles on the new episodes... here's one by Alan Sepinwall that does more justice to all the symbolism in this episode than I have time for tonight.
FAVORITE LINES:
Best Cagney, Jr., line of the season so far? "Van Helsing, let's go!" (if you missed this episode or missed this line, three guesses who he's talking to, and the first two don't count)
Best non-Cagney line of the season so far? "My husband was three years old!" (Carm telling the Detective to eat the peanuts when he mentions Uncle Jun was babbling about the Kennedy assasination while being brought in for shooting Tony)
Best line of dialogue I said out loud at the TV so far this season? "So you're saying your husband was NOT involved, ma'am?" (What the Detective was probably thinking in response to Carm's above quote)
If you don't know, now you know...
Sunday, March 19, 2006
CAZZA DI MALANGA!!!
SEASON 6 PREMIERE: Members Only
SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This season came out of the gate faster than Pie O' My! Two rats gone, both of which the Family didn't know about and one of which we didn't even know about, and just when we think they've showed us everything new they're going to for the night... BAMMM! Tony gets Malanga'd by a demented Uncle Jun! I haven't felt that gut-punched by a TV show since Chrissy got got by the Two Stooges coming out of the diner.
Tony's shooting is definitely consistent with the Sopranos' original theme about intersecting family/Family lives though. Junior has become the antagonist who has dementia to hide his jealousy/hatred/greed/general-Soprano-discontent behind (even though, strangely enough, he's not related to Livia by blood; maybe it really is a curse), and whose age and declining condition makes Tony just nostalgic enough not to cut him off no matter what he does. Junior and Livia always did seem to have their hatred for Tony in common, but even after all he went through with Livia, Tony's memories of throwing a baseball with Uncle Jun as a kid always seem to win out, no matter how many times Jun reminds him that he "never had the makings of a varsity athlete."
As fired up as I am to have the Boys back, I've got to take the time here to thank David Chase for not subjecting us to Janice's pregnancy and, most importantly, her delivery. The only thing I can think of worse than seeing her nasty-ass Rolling Stone boobs in labor is... well... NOTHING. I can't think of a single damn thing worse than that... "Pre-Raphaelite" locks or no.
If you don't know, now you know...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Whaddaya hear, whaddaya say?
All is almost right with the world again! It seems like Paulie Walnuts' wings have flown south for at least 5 winters since the last new episode, but Tony and the Family come back in just a few hours. I'll do a season premiere review afterwards; until then I'll be watching some of my favorite episodes for calisthenics. Here are a couple of the ones I'll be warming up with:
If you don't know, now you know...
- 46 Long (Season 1): Tony's Chirikawas rob a truck line protected by Uncle Jun... twice. The second time Brendan acts alone after a sit-down between Tony and Uncle Jun where they are ordered to make restitution and stay away from the trucking company. Best line is delivered by Tony to Mikey Palmice. "Too bad they don't have a telethon for fuckfaceitis. They find a cure yet?"
- Full Leather Jacket / From Where to Eternity (Season 2): Full Leather Jacket ends with the hit by Drinkwater and Gismonte on Chrissy and fades to black with the hospital respirator sound effect. I can still remeber how tight my chest felt when this one first aired and ended that way. From Where to Eternity has some uncharacteristically good acting by Drea de Matteo ("one boo-yaa hottie!") and a series best performance by Paulie (a/k/a James Cagney, Jr.). His efforts to interpret Chrissy's dream about going to hell, where Italians are outnumbered by Irishmen and all the whack-ees get hit again at midnight each night, are classic. Plus his goomah is Dr. Turkleton's wife on Scrubs, which I didn't remember.
- Pine Barrens (Season 3): Chrissy and Cagney, Jr., attempt a pick-up from a mad Russian "interior decorator" who claims to wash his balls with ice-water. There's an incident with a you-nee-bersal ree-mote and then all hell breaks loose. If you don't know the rest, go buy Season 3 and watch this one before 8 p.m. You won't regret it. Best line? Cagney, Jr., when explaining the situation to Tony - "The package hit Chrissy with an implement."
If you don't know, now you know...
Sunday, February 19, 2006
We Three Kings be stealin' the gold!
I honestly can't belive that I forgot how much ass this movie kicks! Marky Mark, Danny Ocean and Ice Crube team up to bring us the infamous Iraqi ass-map, C4-strapped Nerf footballs, bulls stepping on land mines, Jamie Kennedy getting pantsed and a soundtrack that includes Public Enemy... I mean, come on!?! I did almost turn it off about 10 minutes in when it cuts to Daniel Ocean's first big scene and it looks like he's breaking Joan Cusack off a chunk. HOWEVER, it turned out to be that younger chick who is almost equally as annoying, but was not, in fact, Joan Cusack. IMDB says the young doppleganger's name is Judy Greer. If you tend to watch movies for enjoyment purposes, like I do, avoid both like the plague.
As detestable as Joan Cusack is, it's almost impossible to comprehend the fact that she's Martin Blank's sister. Grosse Pointe Blank may be the only movie I've ever not turned off as soon as her screeching, beak-mouthed, high-waisted ass hit the screen. Irrefutable proof that the combination of Minnie Driver and a stout 80's soundtrack could turn jumper-cables-to-the-satchel torture into a crawfish boil... and yes, I realize that only works if you like crawfish. I do like crawfish, so it's funny to me. And that's pretty much the point of this whole blog deal, right? To amuse yourself?
Best line of Three Kings? "Aww man... I didn't join the Army to pull to pull paper out of people's asses." - PFC Conrad Vig
If you don't know, now you know...
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