Here are some of the subject lines of the spam that was waiting for me when I returned to work after the 4th of July holiday:
- Brittney Chavez wrote me with advice about “Your health, oblong wedgeshaped,"
- Frederic Lara attempted to contact me regarding “Order status, nut-rush,
- Oscar Aldridge clearly knows me well as he opened with, “Hi, non-Spanish,"
- Mallory Akins dropped me a courtesy correspondence about “Your cash, no-eye pea,”
- Eric Hart opened by calling me his daddy in Latin while offering me money, “Your money, pater noster,” (NOTE – this one might have worked if it hadn’t obviously come from a dude) and finally
- Ava Tomlinson must have known that I skipped lunch on the 4th in favor of some Heineken Light when she wanted to update me on my “Order Status, much-hunger.”
First of all, I am most definitely NOT oblong or even slightly wedge-shaped, so kiss my ass Brittney Chavez. And (B) My friends and I call each other some pretty creative and insulting names, but I don’t think any of us have ever tossed out a “no-eye pea” or a “nut-rush,” even during the bloodiest game of dominoes, Madden or ATV Offroad Fury 3. I’m not even sure how “nut-rush” would work into an insult… but I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for an opportunity now.
So, the question becomes… who THE FUCK would respond to, or even take seriously, an email with such non sequitur as its subject? I might even take the odds on my grandmother, who uses an eMail Station, being able to spot “phishing” with those nuanced openers. The only plausible explanation is that Land Shark must be the evil mastermind behind all this frighteningly legit spam.
For further sarcasm on this point, listen to the newest podcast at www.Czabe.com, “Really Sloppy Spam.”
If you don’t know, now you know…
