Cowabunga!

Yeah, so maybe I used to play Ninja Turtles when I was younger. So what? And maybe I was always Donatello. So what? That doesn't change the fact that I will once again be cool when this comes out.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer - video powered by Metacafe

Spiderman 3 trailer

Berry smart for you, spam gringos...

Here are some of the subject lines of the spam that was waiting for me when I returned to work after the 4^th of July holiday:

• Brittney Chavez wrote me with advice about “Your health, oblong wedgeshaped,"
• Frederic Lara attempted to contact me regarding “Order status, nut-rush,
• Oscar Aldridge clearly knows me well as he opened with, “Hi, non-Spanish,"
• Mallory Akins dropped me a courtesy correspondence about “Your cash, no-eye pea,”
• Eric Hart opened by calling me his daddy in Latin while offering me money, “Your money, pater noster,” (NOTE – this one might have worked if it hadn’t obviously come from a dude) and finally
• Ava Tomlinson must have known that I skipped lunch on the 4th in favor of some Heineken Light when she wanted to update me on my “Order Status, much-hunger.”

First of all, I am most definitely NOT oblong or even slightly wedge-shaped, so kiss my ass Brittney Chavez. And (B) My friends and I call each other some pretty creative and insulting names, but I don’t think any of us have ever tossed out a “no-eye pea” or a “nut-rush,” even during the bloodiest game of dominoes, Madden or ATV Offroad Fury 3. I’m not even sure how “nut-rush” would work into an insult… but I’m definitely going to be on the lookout for an opportunity now.

So, the question becomes… who THE FUCK would respond to, or even take seriously, an email with such non sequitur as its subject? I might even take the odds on my grandmother, who uses an eMail Station, being able to spot “phishing” with those nuanced openers. The only plausible explanation is that Land Shark must be the evil mastermind behind all this frighteningly legit spam.

For further sarcasm on this point, listen to the newest podcast at www.Czabe.com, “Really Sloppy Spam.”

If you don’t know, now you know…

The Wire Season 3 on DVD

Finally... after months and months of scouring for any hint that Season Three of HBO's The Wire was being released on DVD soon, upcomingdiscs.com, which is very cool, tells me that the release date is August 8, which is even cooler. Amazon has it releasing on the same date, so it must be legit. No cover art yet.

Incidentally, V for Vendetta is releasing on DVD the week before, on August 1st. I've already calendared a Best Buy trip for both Tuesdays.

If you don't know, now you know...

Apparently H-Town really has taken over...

It seems that Houston rap is so hot right now that it has found its way into our students' curriculum. Although I'm not sure what lesson plan this would fall under, it does make me want to bounce a little.

If you don't know, now you know...

Saturday Reading

Does anyone else watch Spiderman 2 every time it's on HBO? Definitely one of my favorite movies from the last couple of years. I can't wait for Spidey 3. Internet rumors are that there will be up to 4 villains, including Sandman, Venom and the return of the Green Goblin in the person of James Franco, the son of Willem Dafoe's Green Goblin. According to Rotten Tomatoes, some of the action scenes were filmed in Cleveland at the end of April.

*****

The trailer for the upcoming Bond movie, Casino Royale, can also be found at Rotten Tomatoes. Daniel Craig, from the British crime flick Layer Cake, is the new 007. If you haven't seen Layer Cake, youi should definitely check it out. Understated when compared to the Guy Ritchie flicks that made Jason Statham famous, but very cool.

Here's his watch, an Omega Seamaster special edition. Only 10,000 will be manufactured.

*****

The 15 People You Meet Listening to DVD Audio Commentaries, courtesy of The Onion's AV Club.

This is from 8 years ago. Only 10-12% of the country can still be unfamous at this point... and I'm one of them, even after graduating in the top 6.5% of my high school. What injustice! If only I could have been an octuplet or something.


If you don't know, now you know...

The good shit's all on vinyl anyway

I am often guilty of not taking recommendations seriously... movies, music, books, everything. Is it because I'm afraid that it will be good and I didn't find it myself and that will hurt my ego? Is it because I'm predisposed to think it will be a waste of my time? Is it because I've already got "my thing" and don't want to pollute what I know I like with something that will require me engaging a foreign subject matter? I don't know. Strangely enough, though, the people I surround myself with usually have a pretty good idea what I will like or dislike. I guess that's what a friend is.

So... what the hell am I rambling about? Well, I watched High Fidelity tonight, one of Nathan's recommendations from years ago. I had already seen it once but didn't really give it much of a chance because my singular focus at that time was Chinese film. On rewatch, though, it is a great flick. I can completely identify with the record store music snobs and the way they define people by the music they listen to. At one point in the movie, Cusack's character says, "What really matters is what you like, not what you are like. Books, records, films, call me shallow but these things matter!" I agree (to a certain extent). There's not much more exciting than meeting a perfect stranger and discovering you have a favorite artist or movie or book in common... it's like a shorthand for compatibility.

*****

Speaking of High Fidelity, Hammacher Schlemmer has a really cool vinyl-to-cd recording component by TEAC. Kinda makes me want to buy some LPs ... aaaaaaaand then rip them to my iPod.


If you don't know, now you know...

Kung Fu Panda

Been browsing IMDb a lot lately looking for something to be excited about, and found this last night:

A CG-animated comedy about a lazy, irreverent slacker panda, Po (Voiced by Jack Black), who must somehow become a Kung Fu Master in order to save the Valley of Peace from a villainous snow leopard, Tai Lung. Set in the legendary world of ancient China, this is the story of Po, our unlikely hero, who enters the rigid world of Kung Fu and turning it upside down. Po ultimately becomes a Kung Fu hero by learning that if he believes in himself, he can do anything.

Jables, Dreamworks animation AND kung fu? This has real potential. Hopefully it will be more like Shrek than Shrek 2: Retread Boogaloo.

Also, there are apparently 2 Beowulf movies in our future (both of which, hopefully, will be better than the sci-fi disaster with Christopher Lambert... even Rhona Mitra in a metal bikini couldn't salvage that one). One has been released in Canada, Iceland and the UK and is on its way to NY on July 7 of this year. Only recognized two names on the IMDb cast list, Stellan Skarsgard (as King Hrothgar) and Sarah Polley (as Selma, who I don't remember from the poem), but the rest of the names make me think that there will be an authenticity factor at play here. So much for the idea that every actor in a movie based on an epic poem, or any classic literature really, has to have a British accent.

The other is an American production due out in 2007 with Anthony Hopkins (King Hrothgar), Angelina Jolie, Brendan Gleason, Crispin Glover and John Malkovich. Star power notwithstanding, my hopes aren't as high for this one. Perhaps I'm just preparing myself for the Hollywood-ization of another epic. I'm guessing the Icelandic Beowulf is going to be the grim, realistic-feeling version where the Geats don't know kung-fu, and this one is going to be over-produced, CGI'd and slick. Plus there's very little chance of seeing Agelina nude as she's only credited with a voice part. Perhaps I shouldn't be so cynical. IMDb shows the movie to be in post-production and that Robert Zemeckis directed. If he incorporated special effects judiciously, this one could be worthwhile... but King Hrothgar will have a British accent. Ahhhh, compromise.

*****

I am still spending a good bit of time going over Season Six of The Sopranos in my mind and have come up with several fond memories, some of which I have written about here. Most of what occurs to me, though, is more missed opportunities for good storylines. Remember the Hasidic Jew with the hotel who didn't want to honor his agreement with Tony in Season One? That was a good plot point for several reasons. First, Tony's human side was explored in his conversations with Melfi about being called a "monster." Yes, there was extortion, torture and plenty of situational comedy involved, but the predominant theme was that the actions of a mobster weren't perpetrated by a cardboard cutout... Tony had feelings. Same with the Davey Scatino bust out in Season Three. It showed that not only did Tony have feelings but also that his actions had repercussions unrelated to possibly being caught by the Feds. These arcs, and others like them, lasted for several episodes each, endearing Tony to us as a human, not just as the mysterious oath-taking, Saint-burning, finger-pricking, gregarious guy who could spend his nights in a strip joint conducting bee-za-nees, sleep through lunch, eat cold cuts in his terry robe and then dish out vigilante justice to those who disrespected him or his "thing." My subconscious pieced all these Sopranos memories together today while I was driving home from work and I also remembered Tony's meeting with the Cajuns this season. That could have been a gold mine for writers and fans alike. Being Katrina-based it was topical; it gave Tony a chance to "send a message" in some creative way that would allow the writers to show they aren't recycling Goodfellas and the Godfather as so many before them have, and might have even given Cagney, Jr., a chance to take out some of his frustrations from this season with a ball peen hammer. Did we get to see any of that? Of course not.

Why do I torture myself this way?

If you don't know, now you know...

And now, we wait... again.

EPISODE 12: Kaisha

After feeding us Johnnycakes for more than half of this season, the cupboard was bare in last week's Sopranos finale. We knew it was coming, though, didn't we? Truthfully, I have re-watched the finale several times this past week mining for something, anything (aside from AJ's Rican's sweaty shoulder blades), I might have missed that would change my mind... no such luck. In fact, I can't remember an entire episode from this entire season, other than Mayham, that would even enter a discussion of my Top 10 favorite episodes of the series. Mayham, in case you're wondering, would probably be in my Top 5, and is, in my opinion, the only truly great episode of this entire season. So, yeah... I've got some negative feelings toward The Sopranos right now. I'm tired of saying that bad Sopranos is better than almost any other good TV. I shouldn't have to justify Chase's indulgences just to retain my "True Sopranos fan" badge of honor.

*****

Federico Castellucio (Furio) apparently agrees that Chase has overestimated the goodwill he has banked with fans of the show.

*****

NOT LIKELY TO BE WHACKED SOON UPDATE:

Chrissy and Johnny Sack have signed on to appear in all 8 episodes next season.

*****

On a positive HBO note, Entourage returns tonight... It's waiting for me on Tivo while I watch the Mavs punish the Heat. Is anyone else hoping to see more of Ari and Lloyd rubbing shoulders in the Fast and the Furious prop car? The "Ari McGuire" episode where he got fired last season was a riot!

If you don't know, now you know...

And he wonders why he has hip problems?!

EPISODE 10: Moe 'N Joe

Only two things happened this week to further the narrative of Season Six of the Sopranos: Johnny Sack entered a guilty plea and Vito returned to Jersey. I will freely and voluntarily admit that the Janice = Livia sidecar was worthwhile, but it can't be said to have taken us into uncharted territory. It's more of a continuation of Chase's attempt to make Janice, now that Livia is no longer with us, the person currently on TV most likely to make me punch myself in the nuts. Point taken... painfully.

As for Johnny Sack's allocution, it set the dominos in motion for what I hope is a more action-driven final two episodes. Honestly, the same can be said for Vito's returning to Jersey. No way that ends well for him... it almost feels like he's looking for suicide by cop. He wasn't happy at home, so he did what he did (ad nauseum) and now he CAN'T go home. So what does he do? Go back to Tony or Sil with hat in hand or just hole up in a rat-infested motel and kill himself? It doesn't look like even he knows yet, but if he drives by Satriale's too many more times, that decision is going to be made for him. Hopefully it happens soon, so we can get on with the war with New York and Jersey.

*****

Something strikes me as I write "hopefully something happens SOON" for the 1000th time... Chase and co. used a cinematographic device they almost never use in "Mr. and Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request": the explicit leap forward in time. After three episodes centered around Tony in the hospital, "Request" begins with Rusty Milio receiving an invitation to Allegra's wedding... fade to black... and then "SIX WEEKS LATER." This was a conceit that I questioned somewhat on our podcast (which can now be subscribed to on iTunes, by the way). It felt amateurish, unnecessary and could have been accomplished with the already existing dialogue in the episode where Tony told Melfi he had been in a hospital bed at home for a month and a half. But, it served a purpose that pleased most viewers, judging from the internet uprising against dream sequences, which was getting Tony out of the hospital and away from the coma-induced dreams. Now, my question is this: Why was this potentially lengthy but interesting storyline (and all the power-struggle/crisis at home side-stories it could have produced) truncated in this way in favor of six weeks of Johnnycakes? WTF?!?!? I would much rather have seen the fallout from Sil's failure under pressure, internal strife with a leadership vacuum while Tony rehabbed and moped (which he does well), and a horse head in Sir Ben's bed than six weeks of Vito and Morgan Spurlock shacked up in New Hampshire. The writers seem not only to have squandered an opportunity from a narrative perspective but have also done so... ahem... with no viable exit strategy.

Vito getting caught by Finn at the construction site was water cooler fodder at its finest. It produced weeks' worth of "Holy Shit! That's going to be an interesting problem to have to resolve!" But after six weeks of Vito getting his hips displaced, I really don't care how it is resolved anymore... I just want it resolved. As I've said before, my main problem with it is not that Vito is gay, but that Gannascoli is not an actor who can carry six weeks worth of primary storyline. In inimitable Chase fashion, he has left untouched Bacala's shooting the rapper to boost album sales and AJ's bungled assasination attempt on Jun, not to mention we still don't know where the Russian interior decorator is... but we get half an already short season dedicated to THIS?! At this point, I don't even want an explanation of why the writers thought this was a good idea... I just want it overwith.

*****

Johnny Sack's plea dredged up the "I can talk about by Family but them's fightin' words if you do" scenario. Just as Phil trashed Johhny at the wedding for breaking down and then toed the party line when comments were made by an outsider, this episode showed Tony and Sil doing the same thing. They renounced Johnny as a friend and man of honor, but when Sal Vitro referred to him as "guilty" the stonewalling commenced.

Nice Fila track suit on Tone, by the way. I gotta get one of those. Or I could just start a Sopranos Fila Track Suit Counter, like the guy who does the Sopranos F-Bomb Counter.

If you don't know, now you know...