11th Hour Draft Shakeup: Bush to Ain'ts

Damn! Although the Houston Texans aren't my favorite NFL team, I was selfishly hoping they would take Reggie Bush with the 1st pick of this year's draft so that I might be able to catch him in person a time or two this season. And, although I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, the armchair GM in me still wonders why they didn't trade down to stockpile another pick or two. The demand for Reggie must not have been as high as most people thought in a pick-for-pick(s) trade. Makes sense with the Saints representing that they were not actively looking for a RB (although they must have had their fingers crossed pretty tight to have Reggie fall into their lap) and the Titans in dire need of a QB if they want to be able to continue to mistreat McNair, but I was very surprised the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets didn't move up to get Reggie and let the Texans move down for Mario or D'Brick. Mario may have gone to the Saints in a move-down scenario, but D'Brick would have still been there at 4, and H-town could have helped their big picture by increasing their number of picks. According to the Pick Value Chart, the difference between the 1st and 4th pick is 1200 points. So the Jets would have had to give up their other 1st Rounder (29th pick) and their first 2nd Rounder (35th pick) to get to 1190 points. The Texans probably wanted something else thrown in for the price of poker, but the Jets still would have had a 3rd, two 4ths, a 5th and a 7th left, so I'm thinking they screwed the pooch on this one but, like I said, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. The only effect it has on me is that my boys have to play Reggie twice a year, but I'm thinking Monte Kiffin can handle it.

Speaking of the Bucs, they picked up some much needed help on the O-line, some youth on the D-line and a monster receiver in former Nittany Lion Maurice Stovall, who fell to the third round. Mo was somewhat overshadowed by the Great White Hope, Jeff Samardzija, last year, but managed nearly a 17 yard per catch average and has great size (6'4"/220). On top of that, he played against some real competition last year, including Michigan, USC, Tennessee and The Ohio State University, and while strength of college schedule is not something that gets a lot of PT from "Pompadour" Mel Kiper, it is a decent predictor of the amount of time it will take a player to acclimate to the speed, skill and ferocity of the NFL game.

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What's a guy gotta do ta get some Johnnycakes over here?

EPISODE 6: Live Free or Die

Been extra busy this week so this entry is definitely in arrears (not in a Vito kind of way). A few quick hits:

• I forgot how hard Chrissy's "important bidness" walk makes me laugh. Check out the way he hoofs it into the Bing to tell Tony about meeting Sal's cousin from Yonkers at AA.

• Another Chris classic in this episode comes when he's talking to the "third party" who's going to outfit the Neapolitan "tailors" with some "scissors." Chrissy laughs off the talk about Vito at first, but then admits that there could be some truth to the rumor. He says, "Some guys went down to the Shore to see him; he was with his goomar... As soon as he saw 'em he took off like a bat on a hill." A bat on a hill?! Nice. On a side note, the Episode Guide on the official website calls the third party "heroin addict Corky Caporale." And it looks like he will be more than a bit player as IMDB suggests his role will be protracted over at least 2 more episodes. I don't know about Corky, he may fold under questioning.
  

• Hadn't heard of Johnnycakes before, but then again I've never been to New Hampshire. They could have been fictionalized just to add to the gay theme by having Vito say, "Give me the Johnnycakes," to Morgan Spurlock. Who knows? Who cares? I'm ready for the decision on Vito to be made one way or the other. Joseph Gannascoli got on my nerves WAY before they made him a leering, Finn-harassing, construction worker-blowing Village Person.

• Finally, and most importantly, Tony really has found his Ojibwe roots if he thinks he can just say "I'm the boss and I say he gets a pass," and have his whole Family toe the party line on Vito. No chance in hell. Not saying he's wrong, but that whole world revolves around the perception of respect, and Jersey is already being pushed around by New York. First rule of holes? Stop digging.

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A Guy's Guide to Throwing your Boss Under the Bus

EPISODE 5: Mr. and Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request...

Ok, I give up. After five seasons of this, one would think I would know better than to try and predict Chase's story arc, particularly based off of scenes from the next. It turns out that it was Johnny Sack's voice asking Tony for help (I orginally thought it was Phil) and when Phil says "Our friend there... John wants him gone," he's actually talking about Rusty Millio (Frankie Valli) instead of Tony. I still believe there will ultimately be a war between NY and NJ, but, based on this week's developments, it could go in a completely different direction. So here I am, in the same paragraph where I have sworn off predictions, trudging out on another limb. Chew on this potential storyline for a bit, though:

Phil was clearly talking out of school after Johnny's involuntary perp walk in front of Allegra's guests. Even Tony, who, like the rest, practices situational ethics when it comes to following mob guidelines, felt the need to defend Johnny against Phil's insults. For a brief moment, Phil seemed to recognize that a line may have been crossed in his response to the "outsider" who commented on Johnny's plight, but then went directly back to his rant. Of course Chrissy, who can always be trusted to be himself (i.e. one whose impulsivity lets those outside the Family know what he is thinking), agrees with Phil, and Tony's frustration is evident. However, now that Phil, who appears to be the acting boss while Johnny Sack is a guest of the government, has a lesser opinion of Johnny, could it be that he will rise up in mutiny against Johnny? If so, the story could play in several different ways. First, Phil could have designs on the top spot himself. If he ascended to the throne, he would have no one within the Family with the power to overrule his vendetta against Jersey for Tony B.'s actions last season and the further insult of his not being allowed to avenge his brother himself. I think this is less likely because, as of now, his power appears to come from his proximity to Johnny and not from his own leadership abilities.

A more likely scenario could be Phil, knowing that Rusty would have more support than himself as successor to Johnny, allies himself with Rusty and ousts Johnny. In this circumstance, all he would have to do in order to carry out his blood grudge against Jersey would be whisper in Rusty's ear that Tony accepted the contract on Rusty. Then Diminished-Capacity Tony would have put his whole Family at risk by caving to Johnny Sack again (the first being his agreement on the Barone Sanitation sale), and for what... because in his condition it wasn't worth arguing over? We'll have to wait and see but, while it's probable that I will be sheepishly retracting this theory next week, either of these scenarios would bring a fair bit of action to our Sunday nights.

Speaking of Chrissy being Chrissy, as much as he loves movies, shouldn't he brush up on his I's and II's? First, in Season One, it was "Louis" Brasi who slept with the fishes after he killed Email, and now no Italian can refuse a request from a man whose daughter is getting married? He's clearly spending too much time renting "Kundun" and waiting for Scorsese at red carpets and too little time worrying about following what amounts to racketeer scripture. This young generation has no respect.

***

A few other thoughts on this week's episode...

First, to return to a previous observation, the guys are pretty much done with their sympathy for Tony. I said before, in my review of Mayham, that the writers have quite realistically handled people's short attention spans for those situations that don't directly affect them. Of course, Tony's health affects who the guys kick up to, but not their health or overall well-being, in their minds anyway. Tony as the boss of Jersey is the best thing that ever happened to most of these dolts, but a guy like Vito is talking with Larry Barese about taking over? Please! I am done with Vito altogether, and it looks like the writers are as well. He can't unring the bell of being caught in the gay bar, so it's only a matter of time. With the combination of Tony's weakened state, his focus on reasserting his dominance, and Jersey's step-child status in relation to New York, a face-saving decision on Vito is an easy one, assuming he hasn't taken care of the problem in that hotel room already. My original point on this, though, was that Tony was at the pork store poker game for all of 3 minutes before the guys were ready to talk about something... anything... other than his surgery and condition. And Chrissy, with his mine's-bigger-than-yours scar contest? The first of Robert Greene's 48 Laws of Power is never outshine the master, but I guess a mobster who can't quote Part I accurately probably hasn't read that either.

Finally, I have read countless opinions this week on why Tony picked "Penne Arrabiata" to make an example out of in Satriale's. Alan Sepinwall with the Star-Ledger sums up the three most popular in his column this week:

Perry was the ideal choice for three reasons: 1) his physique (making the victory more impressive), 2) he was the only guy in the room hot-headed enough to fight back (ibid), and 3) he's really just an overgrown kid ('My mom says I should count 10, but I never remember') with muscles but no street smarts.

I would add one to the top of that list and make those 1(b)(c) and (d). While those are all good reasons, and backed up by the camera (as Tony) sizing everyone up, I think the primary reason is that Perry is the only one in the room who isn't a made guy. Of course, Tony has put his hands on a made guy before (Ralphie, after he had beat the stripper to death and disrespected the Bing), but that was out of rage. This was a premeditated move on Tony's part. He took to heart Melfi's admonishment to show the guys he's still himself and, when it doesn't require too much effort, Tony tries to avoid breaking mob rules without casue. He showed us earlier in the episode, albeit gently, that he thought Phil was out of line when sharing his thoughts about Johnny Sack in public.

Finally, based on the expressions of the crew once Tony was finished, am I the only one who felt a twinge that his plan may have backfired? Maybe not. Maybe it was just extreme enough to rein them back in, without making him appear unstable and untrustworthy. However, if a war with NY starts and Tony wavers at all or they think he is too unstable to win it, we could see Jersey rise up against its boss as well. I realize that these are all doomsday scenarios, but the show has a finite amount of time left to tie up its loose ends, so something drastic could happen... and soon. Of course Chase will either (A) do the exact opposite of everything I have surmised or (B) never mention it again. Oh well...

Just for giggles, here's a link to another Star Ledger writer, Matt Zoller Seitz. He was the Sopranos beat writer for the first three seasons and continues to weigh in each week in his blog. The comments function as a great message-board-style dialogue.

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Link of the Fu@&in' Day

Sopranos weekly f-bomb counter ... They kiss their mothers with those mouths?

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Dateline: Outrageous phone bills

Wonder if this guy forgot that text messages aren't included in the base plan? And how many times do you get caned for 218 trillion dollars worth of theft of service if you get 4 lashes for egging cars?

Phil Ivey is my hero.

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Dateline: A Cave Somewhere

Osama blooper reel leaked to Al Jazeera.

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The greatest song ever recorded

Sha La La (Make Me Happy)

Not sure when this next week's Sopranos entry will be posted. Nathan and I are working on a Sopranos/cigars/music/poker/movies/golf etc. podcast, so it may be later in the week or I may just post a link to the mp3. In the mean time, put the above song on repeat and resist getting your boogie on. I dare you.

Order the CD from Amazon or iTunes.

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Do YOU know what YOUR EBITDA is?

EPISODE 4: The Fleshy Part of the Thigh

OK, Cagney, Jr., is officially off the reservation. Extorting the Clown Prince of Garbage without Tony's blessing? Plus the fact that Tony may or may not remember in the future whose voice was on the other side of Finnerty's hotel room wall. Plus Cagney's internal turmoil over his aunt/mother's hoo-ah status, and the advantage his mother/aunt took of how great a son he is. Some pretty dark days lie ahead for Cags... which is disappointing. If he gets whacked, all we'll be left with for comic relief is Sil's Michael Corleone bit, which is only slightly more Al than the knockoff they put in the Godfather video game when Al didn't participate in the voice acting. So I guess we should be thankful for Cagney's explanation to Barone-ito of "Earnings Before Interest, Taxes, Depreciation and Amortization," because, Mother of Mercy!... it may be the end of Little Rico. I'm steeling myself to this evntuality in advance, in case I've got company when he gets called to that big sit-down in the sky.

If anyone needs to get whacked, it's Janice's narcoleptic ex. Not real happy about his return. In fact, actively unhappy. If he absolutely had to come back, the least they could do for us is let him fall asleep standing up and concuss himself on the hospital floor. That would kick ass.

On another WTF note... Sil just shows up in Tony's waiting room again with his inhaler? If that's the end of it, then his cracking under the pressure of being Boss story line was a serious McGuffin. Chase and Co. missed (or purposefully opted out of) a chance to more clearly underscore the difficulty of Tony's daily life as compared to that of his co-mafiosi by drawing out Silvio's failure over another episode or two by having Tony or other Family members comment on it. Or having New York decide to attack based on the weakened state of both Tony and Sil. It may have repercussions yet, but if not, it's a big miss. Silvio going down under the pressure of a disagreement between Bacala and Vito? In terms of middle-management power bases within the Family, those 2 are non-issues Tony could have dispatched from his comatose state. Could be that Chase meant to use that scenario to illustrate family pressure on work performance. Sil's wife was pushing him pretty hard to ascend to the throne, which he eschewed immediately. Possibly the biggest source of my surprise regarding the whole situation is that, to this point in the show, Sil has been a rock. He has delivered plenty of unpleasant rulings on Tony's behalf, most recently (and with dire consequence) the decision to deny Eugene's retirement request, advised on important decisions in times of both war and peace and has killed repeatedly: Chucky Signore, Uncle Jun's right hand man before Mikey "It's not Bra-ooon" Palmice, Jimmy Altieri, the rat-capo who flipped after the same arrest where Puss was flipped, then Puss himself and last, but not least, Adrianna.

Congratulations are due Baccala, I guess, for getting the Family into the PR consulting business in helping promote the career of an upcoming rapper by capitalizing on current popularity trends in the entertainment business. Apparently Treach is down to get rich or die tryin'.

Finally, this week, for all the questions it raised in my mind, illuminated the impending war between New Jersey and New York. Tony's diminished mental capacity, which we were prepared for by the doctor who played Rachel's dad on Friends, led to some very un-Tony-like behavior in this episode. Old Tony, even from the first episode of this season before he was Malanga'd, would never have let Pastor Bob come into a room with him and Chris and Hesh to discuss spiritual matters. And Old Tony definitely NEVER would have said, "There's enough garbage for everybody," to anyone outside his own family. Barone Sanitation has been a New Jersey staple since the first season and it has never even been hinted that New York had a piece, that I can remember, until this week. Not to mention the fact that he came out and told the nurse that his mind had been "running away with him" since he awoke. The previews for this coming Sunday show Phil and Johnny Sack talking about Tony's weakened state, and Phil says, at one point, that Johnny has mandated that someone (who we may fairly assume is Tony) has got to go. Looks like things are about to get very interesting. A good opportunity for Chrissy to implement his "DEFCON-4-bazookas-under-each-arm-Say-Hello-
to-my-Little-Friend" approach? He needs something to occupy his time with no Ade or smack in his life these days. An opportunity to see Carmela assume the Connie Corleone role? She was rather forward with her counsel to Tony on the untrustworthy nature of Cagney and Vito.

Sunday can't get here fast enough.

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