CAZZA DI MALANGA!!!

SEASON 6 PREMIERE: Members Only

SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This season came out of the gate faster than Pie O' My! Two rats gone, both of which the Family didn't know about and one of which we didn't even know about, and just when we think they've showed us everything new they're going to for the night... BAMMM! Tony gets Malanga'd by a demented Uncle Jun! I haven't felt that gut-punched by a TV show since Chrissy got got by the Two Stooges coming out of the diner.

Tony's shooting is definitely consistent with the Sopranos' original theme about intersecting family/Family lives though. Junior has become the antagonist who has dementia to hide his jealousy/hatred/greed/general-Soprano-discontent behind (even though, strangely enough, he's not related to Livia by blood; maybe it really is a curse), and whose age and declining condition makes Tony just nostalgic enough not to cut him off no matter what he does. Junior and Livia always did seem to have their hatred for Tony in common, but even after all he went through with Livia, Tony's memories of throwing a baseball with Uncle Jun as a kid always seem to win out, no matter how many times Jun reminds him that he "never had the makings of a varsity athlete."

As fired up as I am to have the Boys back, I've got to take the time here to thank David Chase for not subjecting us to Janice's pregnancy and, most importantly, her delivery. The only thing I can think of worse than seeing her nasty-ass Rolling Stone boobs in labor is... well... NOTHING. I can't think of a single damn thing worse than that... "Pre-Raphaelite" locks or no.

If you don't know, now you know...