Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

In honor of the coming premiere of the Sixth Season of 24, here are some of my favorite Jack Bauer Facts. And yes, I know these are a spin-off of the Chuck Norris Facts, but Jack Bauer flosses with Chuck Norris' tiny penis... and no, that doesn't make him gay. He just understands the importance of dental hygiene.

1. The only reason you're conscious right now is that Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
   
2. Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
3. Jack once shot himself 10 times, just to prove 50 Cent is a bitch. He then proceeded to wrestle an alligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
4. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
5. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
6. On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
7. Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."
8. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
   

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The illustration above was done by Antony Hare, a Canadian graphic artist. Check out his others. I especially like Christopher Wallace and Christina Ricci. He also imposes quite a Chairman of the Board feel upon George Clooney.

If you don't know, now you know...